A Pirate's Life

"so i'll take two of what you're havin'...

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 19:55:54 GMT

sometimes i have to wonder, if given a choice, would i choose me?

i've moved 180 miles closer to the kind of loneliness that drives people to drink themselves away.

....and i'll take all of what you got, to kill this god damned lonely, god damned lonely love"

Wed, 14 Oct 2009 21:25:49 GMT

13 weeks since i last updated?

not a lot has changed. ...that's a lie. i moved to northern ohio for a job. my life is the epitome of boring.

almost to 80 though. just 5 more levels go to :/

Mon, 13 Jul 2009 20:54:21 GMT

do me a favour, and don't talk about her anymore. it's just...when you do, your eyes light up and it reminds me that it isn't me you want.

Thu, 02 Jul 2009 22:00:45 GMT

guess i should update.

not much going on, just looking for a job still. wendy's sucks. i don't make enough to keep up with my bills, of course.

having some tests done for whatever this bloodsugar nonsense is. go back in monday to see if they found anything. my guess is no, since the doctor i saw wasn't even an MD. way to go, middletown doctor locator lady.

that's about it.

bajingo vs. mazzeria

Fri, 08 May 2009 01:45:36 GMT

hm. the more bored i get, the more terrible decisions i seem to make. perhaps working for 20 hours a day should become my new way of life.

at least then i wouldn't have time to remember it's all futile. it'd be easier if we didn't laugh so hard at the same awkward things that no one else seems to think are funny.

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 22:30:59 GMT

today we had to put eddie to sleep.

he couldn't even stand up.

he was 13.

just close those big brown eyes.
when you wake, you'll be far from here.

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 20:51:08 GMT

the cavalier is gone. it didn't die; but we put it to rest anyhow.

i'm now making payments on a 2009 chevy cobalt.

it's power yellow.

really long entry; but it is truly entertaining for the atheist in all of us

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 18:31:22 GMT

sorry it took me so long to write this out. yesterday/last night was my only chance to hang out with matt and we went to oxford to see sarah.

like i said, i've been talking to my buddy brad who's in seminary about this and he's said a lot of things that both made a lot of sense and surprised me. for one thing, i figured he'd be the one who'd be able to explain to me your point of view. surprisingly, he didn't really understand it either. he did, from an academic, "that's literally what the bible says," point of view; but not from a real human point of view.

Ugly Mr Newsman: he'd said he'd sort of been idolizing me, but i think he's really confused about what that really means and how he really feels, you know? it's ok to think that someone is everything you've been looking for, and perfect for you, blah blah. but it doesn't mean that you think they're literally perfect, godly, otherworldly, you know?
Buckeyeross: right
"Buckeyeross: so are u hoping he'll just need some time to realize being with u isn't idolatry?"

was his response. i also asked him about the being with people of the same faith thing:

Ugly Mr Newsman: well he says that the bible says he should be with someone of the same beliefs to encourage each other in the gospel?
Ugly Mr Newsman: that just sounds like biblical insecurity to me. people are less likely to ask questions when they are all of the same faith. less likely to think for themselves; and from a historic perspective, religion was used as a control device for the masses.
Ugly Mr Newsman: rightfully or wrongfully so, people used it that way.
Buckeyeross: right
Buckeyeross: but even some of the letters in the new testament talk about men marrying women outside the faith and vice-versa
Buckeyeross: it probably wasn't ideal at the time, but of course not a lot of people were Christian in the first century
Ugly Mr Newsman: yeah
Ugly Mr Newsman: does it say that it's wrong?
Buckeyeross: no

Buckeyeross: well, i would think that's psychologically impossible to think about God all the time
Buckeyeross: and just because people think about random things throughout the day, doesn't make them sinners
Ugly Mr Newsman: and it's psychologically impossible to think about your significant other all the time too
Buckeyeross: i would hope so at least
Buckeyeross: true

he said something shortly after that that stuck in my mind.

"Buckeyeross: ha....i would hope more Christians are more honest about their faith being a struggle than as great as they make it out to be"

he was saying that it's ok to question and disagree with certain aspects of the bible. after all, it was written over two thousand years ago. some things about society have changed since then. not to mention our country and thus our society and culture didn't even exist then.

Ugly Mr Newsman: i mean there is such a spectrum to religion
Ugly Mr Newsman: i honestly think the bible should be left up for us to interpret. not that we can pick and choose which rules we want to follow; but we have to remember that it was written two thousand years ago and culture has changed drastically.
Buckeyeross: yeah
Buckeyeross: even the people who are against the whole relativism thing are interpreting the Bible in their own ways as well
Buckeyeross: they're just under the impression their way is the only way
Ugly Mr Newsman: when really there are so many ways.
Buckeyeross: right

Ugly Mr Newsman: i was under the impression that at the core of christianity was the concept of love. loving your neighbour, your enemy, everybody. do no wrong by your fellow man and thus by god since man was supposed to have been created in the image of god
Buckeyeross: should be the core, yeah
Buckeyeross: how we go about that is what's troubled some people over the centuries
Buckeyeross: so yeah, the closer you are with people, images of God, the closer u are to God

it's hard not to just send you the entire conversation; but it's about 9 or 10 pages in microsoft word. i told him about the letter in the wine bottle.

"Buckeyeross: but i would think that passage would convey loving another person would actually help u experience God in a more vivid way"

is what he had to say about that particular passage.

Ugly Mr Newsman (9:56:16 PM): i feel like if i could help him find a more liberal way to interpret the bible he'd be fine. but isn't that the same as trying to change him?
Buckeyeross (9:57:11 PM): talking about the Bible shouldn't always be thought of as trying to change people
Buckeyeross (9:57:13 PM): at least i hope not

Buckeyeross (9:59:15 PM): even within one church service on Sunday morning, there are probably as many different interpretations of the Bible as there are people
Buckeyeross (9:59:19 PM): just don't admit it

Buckeyeross (10:00:54 PM): i obviously don't agree with some, but nobody knows what certain people thousands of years ago meant when they wrote it
Buckeyeross (10:01:06 PM): not to mention the whole hebrew/greek language thing

there is no one true right way to interpret what the bible says. he's right, there are as many interpretations as there are people in the world who believe in it. maybe when you say you don't want to follow god anymore, that's not what you mean. maybe the way in which you have been doing it isn't the right way for you. just because the presbyterians don't do exactly what the people in your church do doesn't make them wrong. or the episcopalians, or the lutherans, etc. not everyone is the same, so not everyone is going to interpret or follow the bible the same way. it doesn't make them wrong though. because if that were the case, then hinduism would be wrong, and buddhism, and taoism, and judaism. are all the world religions wrong and sinful? or were they born of the culture in which they thrive? almost all the world's religions have the same core and purpose: to promote the love of each other, to quiet the violence, to urge people to live "good" lives. ultimately, you have to decide what's right for you; nobody else can do it for you. not me, not your brothers and sisters, not the people in your church. but you can't be afraid to walk your own path, even if it strays a little from theirs. especially if theirs isn't working for you. you've already seen that your family is going to love you regardless of the religious choices you make. and if the people in your church really care about you as a person, they too will accept you for who you are and the way you want to take your walk with god. you're not wrong for being who you are. there is so much more to you than just your religion--as well there should be. if you're right, and there is a god, he made you the way you are for a reason.

i hope this helps. not just for the sake of you and me; but in your apparent struggle with religion versus life. i want you to be happy.

Luke Russell

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Today at 1:04pm

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Alright, I'll try and go through all the points you made.

First of all, I realize that you're not perfect. I know that no human is perfect. What I meant by idolizing you is that I was putting you before God, caring about you more than I care about God. That was where I was idolizing you.

The Bible does actually warn against marrying someone outside of the faith. At one point it's talking about marriage and says that we should not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. I believe that whole yoked was an example of two oxen pulling a plow or some such thing, but the gist of it was that if one is going the other way, the other will may want to go another way and posssibly pull the other person in the relationship along with him or her. I know that you said you wouldn't do anything like that and that you want me to follow Christ, but there's some things that, in you feeling differently, I would feel a tug and want to be there alongside you. I absolutely need another Christian who will come with me in my walk towards Christ and make it that much easier for me. If I'm married to someone, I want to see us both become more and more like Christ together.

As far as the Bible not fitting our culture. It does. It discusses how we should live our lives. Lots of people think that it's outdated because if you look back at the Old Testament, followers of God had to do weird things like animal sacrifices. Those sacrifices were a representation of when Christ would come to the earth and become a sacrifice himself for every person. And when he died, he completed that symbol, so we don't have to do things like that anymore. It's not because that was culturally relevant at the time or anything like that, the reason we don't have to do it anymore actually has nothing to do with the current culture. And while I do think it's okay to wonder about the Bible in hopes of understanding it better, I feel it would be wrong for me to disagree with the Bible.

There are not so many ways to interpret the Bible. God meant it to be interpretted one way. If I wrote some poem for instance, I would think it weird if a few people understood it and interpretted it correctly and a few other people interpretted it incorrectly but stated it was alright because my poem could be interpretted multiple ways. That's just not true. When I write something, there is one meaning to it. The meaning I wrote behind it is the only meaning that should be interpretted. It's the same with the Bible. The changes in culture aren't going to change the meaning in my poems, and they're not going to change the meaning in the Bible.

As for the core being loving your fellow man and improving life for other people. That is almost the core, but not quite. The most important command is to love God with everything we have. The second most important is to love your fellow man. Oftentimes people (myself too often included) read the Bible and see what God is saying for them. How should they live their lives and love others. Often God is telling us how to love other and live our lives, but the biggest focus when we read the Bible shouldn't be on ourselves or others but on God. We should read it in hopes of understanding God better and learning how to love him more deeply. Obviously, loving others and living a good life is one way (and a great way) to love God, but that shouldn't be the sole lenses in which we view the Bible.

And yeah, sadly there are a ridiculous amount of interpretations of the Bible. So, it's not a good idea to get all caught up in the lesser things of the Bible such as future times. If someone disagrees with me on how some of the things of the future are going to happen, well big whoopdeedoo. I might be wrong on that one and that's not a big deal. What I won't budge on though, and if they don't believe in this then, in all honesty, they're lost: God sent Christ to die for us and carry all of the blame for our sins and take all of God's wrath so that our relationship with God could be restored to what it was before mankind sinned and so that we could spend eternity with Christ in heaven. If a religion doesn't teach that, I'm afraid it is lost. So yes, Buddhism for instance, is lost. I know that sounds so ridiculously horrible, but it's true. They teach some great things. They really do. They teach a lot about loving other and caring others and a lot about peace. Buddhists are oftentimes very kind and very considerate people who love others very well, but if they don't believe that Christ came to die for us, as good as they are, they're lost. In all honesty, that's what saddens me very often. I feel like there are some great people out there who are far better than I am, and they're missing out on the most important thing of our existence.

Anyways, I hope I was able to respond to your thing clearly enough. I don't know if I made my "mini book" all that clear. I'm not very good at communicating things at times, so please let me know if I wasn't very clear in any one area. But yeah, as much as I care about you, and I really care about you, I need someone with the same beliefs as me. I need someone who will encourage me to love God more and show me all the ways to love him. Loving others is probably the best way to love God, and I have no doubt you would help me out with that a lot, but I also need someone who can encourage me with the gospel if I'm down about my sins or even call me out on a sin if I'm too proud to admit I've done wrong. I'm sorry. I don't know if you'll be pissed at me and you honestly have all right to be pissed with me, but I've come to this decision and I don't think I should change it. I really wish the best for you though. I really hope your life is great.

Allie Daniels

Today at 1:43pm

i guess i had you all wrong. you are apparently far more closed-minded than i had originally thought. i honestly cannot associate myself with the type of person who thinks other peoples' and other cultures' beliefs are wrong (yes, "lost" is a euphemism for wrong). i find it absolutely infuriating when one group will not accept another's point of view and claims that their own is the only one true way. that's how this bullshit war has come to be. we're killing each other for nothing.

you are still interpreting the bible in your own way; you are just one of those who is convinced that your way is the only way. in my opinion, that is the worst kind of christian.

yes. i am angry about this. i am absolutely livid about it because all this time you've been so concerned with your religion and yet lying down with me. lying to me. i gave of myself to you body, mind, and whatever else you could have wanted. i trusted you. i had lain prone beneath you on more than one occasion and put you first every time. if i was supposed to have been taught lesson in all this, it was one i should have learned a long time ago: that trusting people is obviously a big mistake.

i regret you.

it's fine if you respond to this message, but after that i'm just going to continue moving on and try to forget as much of all this as i can. you completely blindsided me with all of this; and i feel like you did a fair amount of leading me on. i'm also not convinced that you spoke with anyone about this other than the guys in your church and people of similar mindsets. but i guess that doesn't really matter. i'd honestly given up on you and started moving on very shortly after you came to me with this nonsense in the first place. had you decided to come back, i wouldn't have been able to trust you anyway.

i'll see you in Hell.

well that didn't last long.

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 23:50:59 GMT

my door is locked my debts are paid
i'll do the chicago promenade
my back was turned i did not see
that shadow climbin' up on me
i took my turn at fixin' hearts
but that goes bad before it starts
i'm desperate now i must say
i'll do the chicago promenade
if i die now before i'm old
my story will be less told
there's so much more to suffer through
before i meet again with you
and i've tried so hard and i've been so blind
i thought we could all grieve
one at a time
i lost a friend, it felt like five
a man who wouldn't compromise
i'll think of him on new year's day
and do the chicago promenade

pseudo-mallory chronicles

Sun, 15 Mar 2009 17:50:21 GMT

jslamka5685 (1:37:49 PM): i like the the guys on there except i do not like larry the cable guy

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:37:59 PM): yeah

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:38:05 PM): the roast of that guy is tonight; it's going to suck

jslamka5685 (1:38:41 PM): definitely. i cant believe he became famous off acting like a retard

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:38:56 PM): i know

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:38:59 PM): mallory should be famous

jslamka5685 (1:39:12 PM): man, she could be a Billionaire

jslamka5685 (1:39:25 PM): her real life would be worth so much money on tv

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:39:28 PM): my mom thinks she has asperger's

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:39:34 PM): she could have her own TLC special

jslamka5685 (1:39:53 PM): lol

jslamka5685 (1:39:58 PM): right after little people

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:40:00 PM): lolol yeah

jslamka5685 (1:40:22 PM): they could record her and her boyfriend trying to get jobs together

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:40:25 PM): HAHAHAH

jslamka5685 (1:40:28 PM): and then record them when tehy do get the jobs

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:40:28 PM): their hardships.

jslamka5685 (1:40:32 PM): yes!

jslamka5685 (1:40:32 PM): lol

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:40:44 PM): they've gotten hired in foodservice at king's island

jslamka5685 (1:41:04 PM): oh nice

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:41:13 PM): it'll last probably a week.

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:41:16 PM): like all their other jobs

jslamka5685 (1:41:19 PM): if they work at different places within KI itll work maybe

jslamka5685 (1:41:21 PM): LOL

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:41:32 PM): yeah they're in different restaurants and she was dismayed

jslamka5685 (1:42:16 PM): you should just start supporting their cause lol

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:42:23 PM): hahahahhaha

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:42:26 PM): SUPPORTING THEIR LOVE.

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:42:30 PM): let them live for free forever!

jslamka5685 (1:42:34 PM): oh wow, you two couldnt workin the same place?? thats probably the worst thing that could happen

jslamka5685 (1:42:47 PM): i mean, come on, they deserve to live for free forever

jslamka5685 (1:42:51 PM): they are in LOVE

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:42:55 PM): I KNOW.

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:43:02 PM): i just wish i was as in love as they are.

jslamka5685 (1:43:15 PM): oh definiltey

jslamka5685 (1:43:21 PM): how great life would be

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:43:21 PM): i guess i'm not though. i'm not capable of loving that much since i require my significant others to have a job.

jslamka5685 (1:43:32 PM): LOL

jslamka5685 (1:43:46 PM): you must be some kind of freak

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:43:51 PM): i know i'm a horrible person!

jslamka5685 (1:44:14 PM): expecting some sort of income....what is taht? thats what the gov't is for

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:44:55 PM): hahaha!!

Ugly Mr Newsman (1:45:44 PM): i'd have all the time in the world for love if i was getting gubment cheese.

jslamka5685 (1:45:58 PM): thatd be badass

don't tell your dog any secrets.

Sat, 14 Mar 2009 04:30:59 GMT

i forgot how much i missed hanging out with those tards on the weekends. totally going out next weekend.

wu-steve gave me a sweet coat too. my giant man-shoulders fit right in!

the most innovative and inspiring piece of art i have ever seen.

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 03:03:49 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCXlCkY4Y5g&feature=PlayList&p=CD62F11253C2A765&index=0&playnext=1

you won't regret watching that.

...and a'rovin' i'll end up for certain.

Mon, 02 Mar 2009 21:11:15 GMT

tell me dear
what did you fear?
i'll do you no wrong
you're no stranger to sin

interesting weekend. i subbed at vail today for mr. duff. 6th grade health... i can't believe it's been 10 years since 7th grade. the middle school starts at 8am now and goes 6-8 instead of 7-8 grades. unfortunately, i have no interesting stories from today. he just had the kids watching a video and filling out a worksheet; and that's exactly what they did. nothing exciting. found out i'll be getting paid THIS friday. finally.

need to go to the gym...but i'm tired.

take these chances; place them in a box until a quieter time

Sun, 22 Feb 2009 18:13:38 GMT

ran into scrub's aunt while subbing at creekview last thursday. she ran up and hugged me and told me they all miss me. she seemed genuinely glad to see me, which was really refreshing. pretty much the only thing i miss about that relationship is his family. it was surprising however, to see that she seemed to know he cheated on me. it's pretty sad when your own flesh and blood agrees with your ex in that you were a complete ass.

i have been commanded to get another job on top of substitute teaching. guess that gym membership i paid for won't be getting much use afterall. i really need to get the hell out of here.

perhaps a second job will provide me with enough distraction to not think about a certain former missionary kid.

happy singles awareness day.

Sun, 15 Feb 2009 00:38:33 GMT

nothing like a little good music, a few hours laughing, and a couple tense seconds of eye contact to remind me how much i really do want you.

to remind me you're out of reach.

to remind me to give up.

substitute chronicles I: the first grade is on fire.

Tue, 10 Feb 2009 03:21:32 GMT

so today was my first day as a substitute teacher. i was in a first grade classroom. if you know anything about me, you know i'm not good with the little kids. 30 high schoolers i can handle; 21 six year olds though... stressed me out.

it seems that the main concerns of the average first grader are who took their purple crayon and how much glue can they get away with eating before i notice.

in the midst of trying to explain what natural resources were and keep robbie in his chair (or at least within 5 feet of it), another teacher popped her head in to tell me the fire marshall was in the building and was probably going to pull the alarm. awesome, my first day of subbing ever, and we're going to have a fire drill. before i could turn around and warn the kids, the damn thing went off and i had 21 pairs of terrified eyes on me. i chucked my science book so i could line them up and hurry them out of the door. lucky me, our classroom was literally 30 feet from an exit. surprisingly, the fire drill was the most quiet and attentive those kids were all day. after we got back in, the principal came onto the speaker and told us we did a good job, and that the alarm would go off one more time, but not to evacuate. once again i tried to give the kids a head's up, but not 2 seconds after i stared talking, the alarm went off again. half of them leapt out of their chairs, the other half was staring at me. i told them to sit back down and cover their ears, that it was just a test. of course after all that chaos had subsided, each kid had to ask me 57 questions about whether or not it was a real fire, what they would do if it was, or tell me a story about how their own house had caught on fire and they'd been hit by a fireball (what?).

overall it wasn't too bad. 1st graders are squirrelly, but that's just how they are. i'm not as patient as i wish i was; but i'm more patient than i thought i was.

more stories to come; i'm subbing in elementaries again (pre-school...) thursday and friday.

blazhen muzh

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 01:44:06 GMT

my incredible lack of patience always pushes me to make poor choices under pressure.
my insane lack of self control always seems to put me in positions far too vulnerable.
one would think that one of these days i'd learn not to let my heart get away from me.
it's too late now.
all that's left to do is wait for you to hand it back to me.

hallelujah

Mon, 26 Jan 2009 04:48:11 GMT

and remember when i moved in you
the Holy dark was moving too
and every breath we drew was
hallelujah

pienso que usted es perfecto. sin defectos. usted es la cosa más hermosa que he visto siempre. la mentira en sus brazos se parece ser perfecto… le daría mi corazón en el centelleo de un ojo. ahora usted me ha visto dos veces en un estado muy vulnerable. le confío en. se parece extraño, yo sabe; hemos tenido solamente un poco rato junto. pero su corazón sabe a veces antes de que usted lo haga. pienso que estoy cayendo en amor con usted.

i feel like my heart's been broken at least a million times

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 01:39:41 GMT

Today I feel like laughing
seems to be no reason at all
and if the world stops spinning
i'm not afraid to fall
maybe it's too soon to be sure
i really do believe that someday
we're gonna have it all

if he tells me all he knows, 'bout the way his river flows

Thu, 01 Jan 2009 17:40:45 GMT

it's 12:34 in the afternoon.

maybe i'll go back to sleep.

inspiration has blue eyes, son.
knocks you off your feet when you're not looking.

And remember when I moved in you
The Holy Dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah

a heartfelt message to you.

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 21:32:40 GMT

you know, you might not feel the need to "set me straight" on anything; but being that i was in in a relationship with you for over a year--giving of myself my heart, mind, and body, i feel like i have a RIGHT to know if you slept with somebody besides me while we were together. so my advice to you is to man the hell up and tell me the truth instead of being wrongfully self-righteous.

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 23:23:54 GMT

being at home this week has done little more than convince me i need to move as far away from here as soon as possible and just start over. there really is nothing left.

i don't wanna tame your animal style

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 20:40:43 GMT

i heard this song on the radio today and it's my new favourite. i laughed hysterically through the entire thing.

You run, run, runaway
It's your heart that you betray
Feeding on your hungry eyes
I bet you're not so civilized

Well isn't love primitive?
A wild gift that you wanna give
Break out of captivity
And follow me stereo jungle child
Love is the kill
Your heart's still wild

Shooting at the walls of heartache
Bang, bang!
I am the warrior
Well I am the warrior
And heart to heart you'll win
If you survive the warrior, the warrior

You talk, talk, talk to me
Your eyes touch me physically
Stay with me we'll take the night
As passion takes another bite, oh
Who's the hunter, who's the game?
I feel the beat call your name
I hold you close in victory
I don't wanna tame your animal style
You won't be caged in the call of the wild

Shooting at the walls of heartache
Bang, bang!
I am the warrior
Well I am the warrior
And heart to heart you'll win
If you survive the warrior, the warrior
I am the warrior

Shooting at the walls of heartache
Bang, bang!
I am the warrior
And heart to heart you'll win
If you survive the warrior, the warrior

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 21:57:04 GMT

just like i thought it would, my leap of faith landed me in a ditch with a couple broken legs.

i'm done.

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:30:00 GMT

i noticed something today in the midst of all this intense stress and degradation. when i first stepped onto the podium on front of my 50 something concert band students, most of them gave me a very skeptical look, which i naturally found to be very intimidating. that was last tuesday. today, almost all of them were looking at me as though i were about to enlighten them to some hidden secret buried deep within the relatively simple music on which we were working so diligently. they trust me, and they want to learn. there are very few things so rewarding as this.